Why did God make the family unit? What did He intend the family to do?
The family is God's primary community for learning about Him. Deuteronomy 6:4-9 describes the classroom of learning as the moments we are sitting with our children in our homes, walking around the community with them, when we are putting them to bed, and when we are getting them up in the morning. While we are living life with our children, He calls us to teach diligently what is on our heart - that the LORD is the one true God and that we love Him with all our heart, soul and might.
We, the parents, are the primary teachers and our family life is exactly the right place for this instruction to take place. In order to be God's instruments in the lives of our children we will need to know and understand them. We also need to know where we are headed.
It is important to see our children’s behavior as a window into what motivates their hearts. If we want children who behave from the heart rather than just following a set of rules, we will need to ask good questions to help our child recognize the thoughts and motives that are shaping his behavior. This will require that we study our children, observing and listening well. Read Getting to Know Our Child for more insights on this topic.
Of course, this task will be much more natural as we take time to look at our own heart motives and ask God to bring those in line with His truth. God often gives us opportunity to do this when we respond in anger and frustration to our children’s behavior. Our children can bring to the surface wrong beliefs and motives we had no idea that ware lurking in our hearts! God uses our children to refine us, even as he is refining our children.
What instructions does the Bible give about being a parent?
Are there themes and principles to apply to today?
As we delve into parenting advice we'll hear from sociologists, psychologists and anthropologists. There will be scientific studies. We'll hear from parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, other parents and single people. There will be anecdotes and real-life stories. How do we process the information and conclusions we hear? In order not to get lost along the way, we need a compass, a framework, a filter. We need God's word to show the way.
God Himself was the first parent. At the very beginning he set the stage for how to parent with his first two children – Adam and Eve. As we read the story in Genesis 2 and 3, we see how he took an active role in giving them responsibility and significance in who He made them to be, so that each would have a part to play in the family. (Genesis 2:15) He set boundaries and made a perfect environment for them to live in. (Genesis 2:17) He had compassion for Adam’s loneliness. He nurtured them by giving them choices. He spent time with them, walking and talking in the garden he had made for them. Even with God’s perfect parenting they became deceived about God’s character and choose to disobey him. (Genesis 3:4-5) Later in Isaiah 1:2 He declares:
"Hear, O heavens, and give ear, O earth; for the Lord has spoken:
'Children have I reared and brought up, but they have rebelled against me.'"
When Adam and Eve disobeyed, God dealt with them individually, not taking their sin personally or taking responsibility for their wrong choices. When He confronted them, He focused on the action by asking a specific question that prepared and allowed them to be truthful. (Genesis 3:11-13) He asked, “What did you do?” not “Why did you do that?”
The painful consequences of their wrong choice were given individually; designed specifically to turn each heart back to God. To Eve (woman) the pain would come both in childbearing and in bringing forth children (raising them). He carefully tailored this so that the mom would not receive her value from nurturing instead of receiving it from God, but instead, would need him desperately in this role.
He knew Adam would be tempted to gain his significance from his God-given design, as well – leading and providing for his family. So, God introduced pain and hard work in that area so that man would need God’s strength and wisdom and keep turning back to him, instead of depending on himself.
God also knew that without him, the couple, that had become one flesh, would now want to demand value and significance from each other by ruling over or manipulating and controlling one other. He warned them of this tendency even as He put into motion His promise of redemption through Christ that would restore their love relationship with the triune God in a deeper way.
What came after is really important as well. God stayed intimate with His children. He recognized how fragile they were, and He didn’t want them to live in embarrassment and shame, so He made them clothes. (Genesis 3:21) He further protected them by setting more boundaries and guarded them from further disobedience that would have devastating consequences. (Genesis 3:24)
In the New Testament we find only a few passages that are addressed specifically to parents. But really, all of Scripture is about parenting as it points us to the redemption that God has provided in Christ. Almost everything God says about relationships can apply to our relationship with our children. He gives examples of families to learn from. He gives principles for life that apply in parenting.
The two passages that are directed at parents are below. The Greek definition for the word translated discipline in the New Testament verses means to tutor, nurture, train and correct.
Ephesians 6:1-4
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Colossians 3:20-21
Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
God desires for our children to learn to obey their parents so that their life will go well. He calls parents to help them learn obedience, without provoking them to anger and without causing discouragement. He gives us his Spirit to enable both the child and parent to be able to do this in love, and with peace and joy, as we ask for His power.
We, the parents, are the primary teachers and our family life is exactly the right place for this instruction to take place. In order to be God's instruments in the lives of our children we will need to know and understand them. We also need to know where we are headed.
It is important to see our children’s behavior as a window into what motivates their hearts. If we want children who behave from the heart rather than just following a set of rules, we will need to ask good questions to help our child recognize the thoughts and motives that are shaping his behavior. This will require that we study our children, observing and listening well. Read Getting to Know Our Child for more insights on this topic.
Of course, this task will be much more natural as we take time to look at our own heart motives and ask God to bring those in line with His truth. God often gives us opportunity to do this when we respond in anger and frustration to our children’s behavior. Our children can bring to the surface wrong beliefs and motives we had no idea that ware lurking in our hearts! God uses our children to refine us, even as he is refining our children.
What instructions does the Bible give about being a parent?
Are there themes and principles to apply to today?
As we delve into parenting advice we'll hear from sociologists, psychologists and anthropologists. There will be scientific studies. We'll hear from parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, other parents and single people. There will be anecdotes and real-life stories. How do we process the information and conclusions we hear? In order not to get lost along the way, we need a compass, a framework, a filter. We need God's word to show the way.
God Himself was the first parent. At the very beginning he set the stage for how to parent with his first two children – Adam and Eve. As we read the story in Genesis 2 and 3, we see how he took an active role in giving them responsibility and significance in who He made them to be, so that each would have a part to play in the family. (Genesis 2:15) He set boundaries and made a perfect environment for them to live in. (Genesis 2:17) He had compassion for Adam’s loneliness. He nurtured them by giving them choices. He spent time with them, walking and talking in the garden he had made for them. Even with God’s perfect parenting they became deceived about God’s character and choose to disobey him. (Genesis 3:4-5) Later in Isaiah 1:2 He declares:
"Hear, O heavens, and give ear, O earth; for the Lord has spoken:
'Children have I reared and brought up, but they have rebelled against me.'"
When Adam and Eve disobeyed, God dealt with them individually, not taking their sin personally or taking responsibility for their wrong choices. When He confronted them, He focused on the action by asking a specific question that prepared and allowed them to be truthful. (Genesis 3:11-13) He asked, “What did you do?” not “Why did you do that?”
The painful consequences of their wrong choice were given individually; designed specifically to turn each heart back to God. To Eve (woman) the pain would come both in childbearing and in bringing forth children (raising them). He carefully tailored this so that the mom would not receive her value from nurturing instead of receiving it from God, but instead, would need him desperately in this role.
He knew Adam would be tempted to gain his significance from his God-given design, as well – leading and providing for his family. So, God introduced pain and hard work in that area so that man would need God’s strength and wisdom and keep turning back to him, instead of depending on himself.
God also knew that without him, the couple, that had become one flesh, would now want to demand value and significance from each other by ruling over or manipulating and controlling one other. He warned them of this tendency even as He put into motion His promise of redemption through Christ that would restore their love relationship with the triune God in a deeper way.
What came after is really important as well. God stayed intimate with His children. He recognized how fragile they were, and He didn’t want them to live in embarrassment and shame, so He made them clothes. (Genesis 3:21) He further protected them by setting more boundaries and guarded them from further disobedience that would have devastating consequences. (Genesis 3:24)
In the New Testament we find only a few passages that are addressed specifically to parents. But really, all of Scripture is about parenting as it points us to the redemption that God has provided in Christ. Almost everything God says about relationships can apply to our relationship with our children. He gives examples of families to learn from. He gives principles for life that apply in parenting.
The two passages that are directed at parents are below. The Greek definition for the word translated discipline in the New Testament verses means to tutor, nurture, train and correct.
Ephesians 6:1-4
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Colossians 3:20-21
Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
God desires for our children to learn to obey their parents so that their life will go well. He calls parents to help them learn obedience, without provoking them to anger and without causing discouragement. He gives us his Spirit to enable both the child and parent to be able to do this in love, and with peace and joy, as we ask for His power.