Preparing Your Toddler for A New Baby
You are about to have another baby! Your first baby is starting to grow up but in many ways she is still a baby. What can you do get everyone ready?
When I went to Canada for three weeks to help our daughter, Erin, with her second baby, I wished I had thought to encourage her six months earlier about some ways to prepare her two year old for the new baby! Things are going to change drastically and many of those changes can be anticipated so that they are already in place when the baby comes. Change is not easy for us, but it is even less easy for a toddler, so everything we do in preparation will help our toddler have less to deal with while adjusting to having a baby that demands mommy’s attention.
What are some of the changes we should anticipate? When we first come home from the hospital we will be sore. (Remember the first time?) Even if we didn’t have a C-section the rule is to not lift anything heavier than your baby for the first three - six weeks. Think about our day and start noticing how many times we lift our toddler. Do we lift her to put her in high chair? Then it is time to teach her to get up and down from her high chair by herself. What about the car seat or stroller? Can she get in and out with just a little push from us? Think about her bed and changing table. We need to be moving her to independence in these areas. We can help set the stage for her to be excited about being a big sister by encouraging her toward being a “big girl”. (Yes, this is change for us, too. We may be a little nostalgic about that first baby growing up!)
I know we love to have her sit on our lap when we read a book but soon a new baby may be nursing and it will be hard to have her there too. So begin to vary it – make a big deal how she can sit beside us and “read.”
What are some other changes that should be happening around two years of age? It is time to give her the responsibility to sit in a booster chair at the table, drinking from a regular cup (even a small glass cup) and using the same kind of forks and spoons (only smaller) as the grown ups around her. She can learn to put things in the garbage can when we ask, which can be preparation for giving her the job of throwing away baby’s diapers. (Unless we are using cloth! But then she can put them in the diaper pail.) Think about ways she can be a helper. That will give her a sense of having a part with the new baby.
Since we may also be away from the home for a couple of days, how can we prepare our “big girl” for staying with the person who is going to care for her? Think about our routines. What routines do we, the mothers, do that nobody else does? Does anyone else put her down for naps? Do others know the song or book we generally sing or read before she goes down? How she likes her sandwich cut? What she says that might need translation? It would probably be wise to jot those things down as we think about them, so anyone who comes can have that information.
Another decision we get to make is how soon to move our toddler out of the crib and into a bed. If she is close to two it makes since to go ahead and do that before the baby comes. This transition will be a big milestone and is best done in increment steps. Try putting her on a mattress on the floor first and tell her she gets to sleep in a big girl bed. This will give her the opportunity to learn how to sleep without the constraints of a crib but will keep her safe from a big fall at the same time. If she gets up and climbs into her crib you will know that she is not quite ready.
Eighteen months to two years is already a frustrating time for her where she seems to want to do the exact opposite of what the adult wants. She understands more than she can say, but even her understanding is extremely limited. (Child Behavior, Ilg, Ames and Baker, page 25.) The closer she gets to 2, the more cooperative and comfortable she will be. But 2 ½ can swing back to being directly contrary. So we will want to take all this into consideration as we make this sleep transition.
When I went to Canada for three weeks to help our daughter, Erin, with her second baby, I wished I had thought to encourage her six months earlier about some ways to prepare her two year old for the new baby! Things are going to change drastically and many of those changes can be anticipated so that they are already in place when the baby comes. Change is not easy for us, but it is even less easy for a toddler, so everything we do in preparation will help our toddler have less to deal with while adjusting to having a baby that demands mommy’s attention.
What are some of the changes we should anticipate? When we first come home from the hospital we will be sore. (Remember the first time?) Even if we didn’t have a C-section the rule is to not lift anything heavier than your baby for the first three - six weeks. Think about our day and start noticing how many times we lift our toddler. Do we lift her to put her in high chair? Then it is time to teach her to get up and down from her high chair by herself. What about the car seat or stroller? Can she get in and out with just a little push from us? Think about her bed and changing table. We need to be moving her to independence in these areas. We can help set the stage for her to be excited about being a big sister by encouraging her toward being a “big girl”. (Yes, this is change for us, too. We may be a little nostalgic about that first baby growing up!)
I know we love to have her sit on our lap when we read a book but soon a new baby may be nursing and it will be hard to have her there too. So begin to vary it – make a big deal how she can sit beside us and “read.”
What are some other changes that should be happening around two years of age? It is time to give her the responsibility to sit in a booster chair at the table, drinking from a regular cup (even a small glass cup) and using the same kind of forks and spoons (only smaller) as the grown ups around her. She can learn to put things in the garbage can when we ask, which can be preparation for giving her the job of throwing away baby’s diapers. (Unless we are using cloth! But then she can put them in the diaper pail.) Think about ways she can be a helper. That will give her a sense of having a part with the new baby.
Since we may also be away from the home for a couple of days, how can we prepare our “big girl” for staying with the person who is going to care for her? Think about our routines. What routines do we, the mothers, do that nobody else does? Does anyone else put her down for naps? Do others know the song or book we generally sing or read before she goes down? How she likes her sandwich cut? What she says that might need translation? It would probably be wise to jot those things down as we think about them, so anyone who comes can have that information.
Another decision we get to make is how soon to move our toddler out of the crib and into a bed. If she is close to two it makes since to go ahead and do that before the baby comes. This transition will be a big milestone and is best done in increment steps. Try putting her on a mattress on the floor first and tell her she gets to sleep in a big girl bed. This will give her the opportunity to learn how to sleep without the constraints of a crib but will keep her safe from a big fall at the same time. If she gets up and climbs into her crib you will know that she is not quite ready.
Eighteen months to two years is already a frustrating time for her where she seems to want to do the exact opposite of what the adult wants. She understands more than she can say, but even her understanding is extremely limited. (Child Behavior, Ilg, Ames and Baker, page 25.) The closer she gets to 2, the more cooperative and comfortable she will be. But 2 ½ can swing back to being directly contrary. So we will want to take all this into consideration as we make this sleep transition.