See the diagram for "The House of Nurturing"
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Getting to know and understand our child(ren)
The book of Proverbs contains many wise sayings about raising children. One popular one is from Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Looking at the meaning of the two words in the original language (Hebrew) helps us better understand the wisdom in the verse. The phrase “train up” comes from the words, palate, the roof of the mouth, the gums. There are two different word pictures found when this phrase is used in the verb form. The first one describes a midwife, after delivery, coating her finger with crushed dates and rubbing the gums and palate of the newborn to cause him to suck. We as parents can help our child develop a thirst, a yearning for God, through teaching and living the examples of the truth of God’s word while walking through every aspect of life with them. (Deuteronomy 6:1-9)
The second word picture refers to the bridle of a horse. The idea is to break a wild horse by bringing him into submission with a rope in the sensitive mouth. The Hebrew word for “child” means one begotten or born and includes all the years from birth until a child leaves home. God has given parents the role to teach each child to be submissive and respectful to parents, elders, authority and God by helping him learn to be sensitive to the consequences of disobedience.
How are we to do this? The “how to” in this verse is key to the wisdom of training - “in the way he should go.” With the Hebrew definition of this phrase, we can better know how this training is to be done. The word “way” is a noun derived from darak, which means “a going, walk, journey; way, path, road; mode, manner, course, way of life, lot in life, worship.” The root word is the same word used when describing to bend a bow. The word picture is that of how the bow is bent. It is the idea that God has established a set of characteristics in our child and it is our responsibility to get to know the way God has made our child, and then train him accordingly.
We see how God does this for us in Psalm 32:8. “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.” God knows us well (understands our bent) and he watches us closely as he instructions and teaches us. He is calling us to study our child, learn how God made him and lead him with that understanding.
The last part of this verse “even when he is old he will not depart from it” in the original language reads more like “may or may not depart from it.” It is not a promise but a probability of not turning from it. So as we look at this verse what we see is encouragement for the parent to “Train up (both developing a thirst for God and restraining in a way that causes him to be submissive) a child at all ages of his childhood according to the way he is bent and when he comes to maturity he probably won’t turn away from that training.”
Finding Our Child's "Bent" by Dick McCrillis
One of the things on which Verna and I continually marveled while we were raising our five kids was just how different each of them are, and continue to be as they grow to be young adults. Any number of pop psychology books will give you a simple answer- take “birth order” for example- but the fact remains that they are different for the simple reason that God just made them that way. Fortunately for us as parents, He also gives us a clue on how to deal with those differences.
The verse quoted above is quite well-known in child training circles and is generally thought to mean that when a child is fully inculcated with the Godly life, he will stick with it. Up to a point this may be true but there is a more subtle interpretation that gets closer to the heart of the child-raising matter: your child’s “bent.”
“… in the way he should go” in the original language comes out as “according to his bent,” a reference to an archer’s bow, of all things. This makes sense if you consider what it takes to make a bow, namely selecting a strong and flexible wood and then studying the pattern of the grain to determine the optimum way to shape the bow and set up the nock. There are many ways to cut and form a bow but there is only one way to form the best bow, one that- when bent for shooting- uses all the natural strength and flexibility of the wood and will remain resilient after repeated usage. To find that future bow’s “bent” requires general knowledge of the latent characteristics of the wood plus careful and specific study of the particular sample.
In the context of raising children we are being admonished to study our children and get an accurate understanding of their God-given “bents” before we set out on the path of training and discipline. Once we know who they are we can train them up in ways that strengthen and reinforce their natural God-given characters and when they reach puberty they may not depart from that training.
Inspired by You and Your Child by Charles Swindoll. Read this book for more thoughts and encouragement for knowing your child.
Find words that can reach their heart
"The words “I love you” should never be underestimated, but every human being has a few words that make her soul come alive …. that bring acceptance to his uncertain heart … that help them rise when they fall. Discover what those words are by watching—what makes him smile? What makes her shine? What adds a spring to their step?
Commit those soul-building words to memory and say them, say them as often as you can
So that one day, you are no longer needed for them to hear them.
The Hands Free Revolution
“I will wait for you.”
“Take your time.”
“You make my day better.”
I say those words to my slow-moving, happy-go-lucky, Noticer of life child.
I watch as grateful eyes light up and tiny shoulders relax.
Those words are soul-building words to her.
“Mistakes mean you are learning.”
“It doesn’t have to be perfect.”
“Okay, you can have a few more minutes to work on your project.”
I say those words to my driven, contentious planner and pursuer of dreams child.
I watch as pressure escapes from her chest and aspirations soar higher.
Those words are confidence-boosting words to her.
“I appreciate you.”
“I’m listening.”
“You matter.”
I say those words to my hard-working, often under-appreciated love of my life.
I watch as tensions loosen, eyes meet, and conversation comes easier.
Those words are affirming and connective words to him.
“It’s good enough for today.”
“Be kind to yourself.”
“Today isn’t over—there’s still time to turn it around.”
I say those words to my own perfection-seeking, worrisome heart.
I watch as my clenched hands open and tears fall as scars come to the surface.
Those are healing, hope-filled words to me."
© Rachel Macy Stafford 2014
Understanding our child’s developmental stages
The study of child development is a broad framework within which you can understand your child, which is a crucial step in nurturing them. It is helpful to know what an average child is physically and mentally capable of at each age, to be able to introduce them to new challenges, guide them to new experiences and cultivate their overall development.
One of our favorite resources come from the Gesell Institute many years of research. A book which covers all the ages just came back into circulation - Child Behavior by Ilg, Ames and Baker. You can also buy books that are age specific written from the same research. We have also made available a summary of each age (2-14 years) which used these Gesell Institute studies and includes spiritual implications for training. See those below.
For the newborn through age six The Growing Child resources offer observations about each month. They are available as books, monthly emailed PDFs or mailed newsletters, timed to the age of your child (ages 0 months- 72 months). These are written for parents, not educators and include practical things to do at each age to encourage growth. To subscribe call: 1-800-927-7289 or GrowingChild.com
Other great resources are available, but these are some we've found to be timeless.
The downloadable descriptions of each age are from an unknown source but have been compiled from Child Behavior and were adapted for use in Christian education.
The book of Proverbs contains many wise sayings about raising children. One popular one is from Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Looking at the meaning of the two words in the original language (Hebrew) helps us better understand the wisdom in the verse. The phrase “train up” comes from the words, palate, the roof of the mouth, the gums. There are two different word pictures found when this phrase is used in the verb form. The first one describes a midwife, after delivery, coating her finger with crushed dates and rubbing the gums and palate of the newborn to cause him to suck. We as parents can help our child develop a thirst, a yearning for God, through teaching and living the examples of the truth of God’s word while walking through every aspect of life with them. (Deuteronomy 6:1-9)
The second word picture refers to the bridle of a horse. The idea is to break a wild horse by bringing him into submission with a rope in the sensitive mouth. The Hebrew word for “child” means one begotten or born and includes all the years from birth until a child leaves home. God has given parents the role to teach each child to be submissive and respectful to parents, elders, authority and God by helping him learn to be sensitive to the consequences of disobedience.
How are we to do this? The “how to” in this verse is key to the wisdom of training - “in the way he should go.” With the Hebrew definition of this phrase, we can better know how this training is to be done. The word “way” is a noun derived from darak, which means “a going, walk, journey; way, path, road; mode, manner, course, way of life, lot in life, worship.” The root word is the same word used when describing to bend a bow. The word picture is that of how the bow is bent. It is the idea that God has established a set of characteristics in our child and it is our responsibility to get to know the way God has made our child, and then train him accordingly.
We see how God does this for us in Psalm 32:8. “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.” God knows us well (understands our bent) and he watches us closely as he instructions and teaches us. He is calling us to study our child, learn how God made him and lead him with that understanding.
The last part of this verse “even when he is old he will not depart from it” in the original language reads more like “may or may not depart from it.” It is not a promise but a probability of not turning from it. So as we look at this verse what we see is encouragement for the parent to “Train up (both developing a thirst for God and restraining in a way that causes him to be submissive) a child at all ages of his childhood according to the way he is bent and when he comes to maturity he probably won’t turn away from that training.”
Finding Our Child's "Bent" by Dick McCrillis
One of the things on which Verna and I continually marveled while we were raising our five kids was just how different each of them are, and continue to be as they grow to be young adults. Any number of pop psychology books will give you a simple answer- take “birth order” for example- but the fact remains that they are different for the simple reason that God just made them that way. Fortunately for us as parents, He also gives us a clue on how to deal with those differences.
The verse quoted above is quite well-known in child training circles and is generally thought to mean that when a child is fully inculcated with the Godly life, he will stick with it. Up to a point this may be true but there is a more subtle interpretation that gets closer to the heart of the child-raising matter: your child’s “bent.”
“… in the way he should go” in the original language comes out as “according to his bent,” a reference to an archer’s bow, of all things. This makes sense if you consider what it takes to make a bow, namely selecting a strong and flexible wood and then studying the pattern of the grain to determine the optimum way to shape the bow and set up the nock. There are many ways to cut and form a bow but there is only one way to form the best bow, one that- when bent for shooting- uses all the natural strength and flexibility of the wood and will remain resilient after repeated usage. To find that future bow’s “bent” requires general knowledge of the latent characteristics of the wood plus careful and specific study of the particular sample.
In the context of raising children we are being admonished to study our children and get an accurate understanding of their God-given “bents” before we set out on the path of training and discipline. Once we know who they are we can train them up in ways that strengthen and reinforce their natural God-given characters and when they reach puberty they may not depart from that training.
- Look for patterns as they emerge over time
- Accept their "bent"
- Encourage them in a way they can receive it.
Inspired by You and Your Child by Charles Swindoll. Read this book for more thoughts and encouragement for knowing your child.
Find words that can reach their heart
"The words “I love you” should never be underestimated, but every human being has a few words that make her soul come alive …. that bring acceptance to his uncertain heart … that help them rise when they fall. Discover what those words are by watching—what makes him smile? What makes her shine? What adds a spring to their step?
Commit those soul-building words to memory and say them, say them as often as you can
So that one day, you are no longer needed for them to hear them.
The Hands Free Revolution
“I will wait for you.”
“Take your time.”
“You make my day better.”
I say those words to my slow-moving, happy-go-lucky, Noticer of life child.
I watch as grateful eyes light up and tiny shoulders relax.
Those words are soul-building words to her.
“Mistakes mean you are learning.”
“It doesn’t have to be perfect.”
“Okay, you can have a few more minutes to work on your project.”
I say those words to my driven, contentious planner and pursuer of dreams child.
I watch as pressure escapes from her chest and aspirations soar higher.
Those words are confidence-boosting words to her.
“I appreciate you.”
“I’m listening.”
“You matter.”
I say those words to my hard-working, often under-appreciated love of my life.
I watch as tensions loosen, eyes meet, and conversation comes easier.
Those words are affirming and connective words to him.
“It’s good enough for today.”
“Be kind to yourself.”
“Today isn’t over—there’s still time to turn it around.”
I say those words to my own perfection-seeking, worrisome heart.
I watch as my clenched hands open and tears fall as scars come to the surface.
Those are healing, hope-filled words to me."
© Rachel Macy Stafford 2014
Understanding our child’s developmental stages
The study of child development is a broad framework within which you can understand your child, which is a crucial step in nurturing them. It is helpful to know what an average child is physically and mentally capable of at each age, to be able to introduce them to new challenges, guide them to new experiences and cultivate their overall development.
One of our favorite resources come from the Gesell Institute many years of research. A book which covers all the ages just came back into circulation - Child Behavior by Ilg, Ames and Baker. You can also buy books that are age specific written from the same research. We have also made available a summary of each age (2-14 years) which used these Gesell Institute studies and includes spiritual implications for training. See those below.
For the newborn through age six The Growing Child resources offer observations about each month. They are available as books, monthly emailed PDFs or mailed newsletters, timed to the age of your child (ages 0 months- 72 months). These are written for parents, not educators and include practical things to do at each age to encourage growth. To subscribe call: 1-800-927-7289 or GrowingChild.com
Other great resources are available, but these are some we've found to be timeless.
The downloadable descriptions of each age are from an unknown source but have been compiled from Child Behavior and were adapted for use in Christian education.