2o Minutes of Grace
Verna's pediatrician recommended this at her 2 week postpartum checkup, and since then it has morphed into this loving practice.
At my (Verna) two-week check up after our first baby was born I was exhausted. I asked my doctor if it was normal to not get more than two hours of sleep at a time during the night. He asked me to tell him what I was doing and so I told him how I would nurse my baby in the evening, he would fall asleep and I would lay him down. 10-20 minutes later he was awake and crying. So I would nurse him again and think he was sound asleep and then he would wake up crying again. Daytime had been a little better but night was not. This great doctor gave me advice for what we now call “20 minutes of grace.” I wish I could tell him how many happy babies and joyful parents that have been helped as I have shared his advice over the years.
Here is what the pediatrician suggested: When we have done everything the baby needs- he is well fed and has a clean diaper and is starting to get fussy- put him down to sleep (on his tummy). Walk out of the room and set the timer for 20 minutes. (The first time we did this, after the first 5 minutes I felt like it had been 20 minutes! I started to run back in but my husband pointed at the clock and said I should wait it out.) My son's first good cry only lasted 19 minutes. He fell asleep right before I was ready to run in and rescue him and he slept 5 hours! I was so thankful, I was willing to try it again the next night. That evening it only took 12 minutes. By the end of the week it was less than a minute and he had became a great little sleeper. By the time he was eight weeks he was sleeping through the night a solid 12 hours. The bonus for him was he now had a rested mom. "20 minutes of grace" worked for all our five children and now for our grandchildren and many others.
My pediatrician assured me that crying for 20 minutes is actually healthy for the baby. It is the only aerobic exercise they can get at this age and helps work through being overtired or overstimulated.
We have also seen that the earlier you start this, the better, and that in the training time, it usually only lasts about 1- 2 weeks if you are consistent in the way you put the baby to bed. Some babies' temperaments allow for a quick learning process, and some take more time to gain the ability to "let go" and fall asleep with no outside help. After a period of training, there will be days or nights when the baby needs 20 minutes of grace again, but it will not be every nap time or bedtime.
At my (Verna) two-week check up after our first baby was born I was exhausted. I asked my doctor if it was normal to not get more than two hours of sleep at a time during the night. He asked me to tell him what I was doing and so I told him how I would nurse my baby in the evening, he would fall asleep and I would lay him down. 10-20 minutes later he was awake and crying. So I would nurse him again and think he was sound asleep and then he would wake up crying again. Daytime had been a little better but night was not. This great doctor gave me advice for what we now call “20 minutes of grace.” I wish I could tell him how many happy babies and joyful parents that have been helped as I have shared his advice over the years.
Here is what the pediatrician suggested: When we have done everything the baby needs- he is well fed and has a clean diaper and is starting to get fussy- put him down to sleep (on his tummy). Walk out of the room and set the timer for 20 minutes. (The first time we did this, after the first 5 minutes I felt like it had been 20 minutes! I started to run back in but my husband pointed at the clock and said I should wait it out.) My son's first good cry only lasted 19 minutes. He fell asleep right before I was ready to run in and rescue him and he slept 5 hours! I was so thankful, I was willing to try it again the next night. That evening it only took 12 minutes. By the end of the week it was less than a minute and he had became a great little sleeper. By the time he was eight weeks he was sleeping through the night a solid 12 hours. The bonus for him was he now had a rested mom. "20 minutes of grace" worked for all our five children and now for our grandchildren and many others.
My pediatrician assured me that crying for 20 minutes is actually healthy for the baby. It is the only aerobic exercise they can get at this age and helps work through being overtired or overstimulated.
We have also seen that the earlier you start this, the better, and that in the training time, it usually only lasts about 1- 2 weeks if you are consistent in the way you put the baby to bed. Some babies' temperaments allow for a quick learning process, and some take more time to gain the ability to "let go" and fall asleep with no outside help. After a period of training, there will be days or nights when the baby needs 20 minutes of grace again, but it will not be every nap time or bedtime.
What if he is still crying after 20 minutes?
If after 20 minutes the baby is still crying then it is time to intervene. Go in and check the diaper, pat him or check for whatever else you think he might need at this point. Do not try to feed him again unless it has been more than two and a half hours since he was last fed. If he just won’t sleep, wait for the two and half hour mark, feed him and try again. I know this first step of training baby is not easy. The father may need to help his wife with this. He can send her out for a walk or into a room with music. He can watch the clock for her, pray with her. It helps to remind each other that he was fussing no matter what we did. This isn't any different except we are now giving him a little piece of responsibility- to learn to put himself to sleep. The sooner we do it, the less painful it will be for both the baby and us. We can use this time to pray hard. Pray for our selves while waiting for the crying to stop. Pray for our baby. Keep asking God to calm him and calm us as we train and nurture him. Note: this is not the same as "ferberizing" although some of the theories of Dr Ferber are similar. This is not necessarily "CIO" or "Cry it Out", since that phrase is used to describe a number of different practices which come from different points of view. Some will say that babies over age of 6 months are able to understand their crying power to manipulate parents, and CIO is the only way to break that. Perhaps there is a seed of truth there, but we prefer to approach this as a gentle training tool.
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Here is an example of what you can pray during the 20 minutes of grace:
Lord Jesus, I give you this child as he struggles to get to sleep. Please give me Your grace (power) to discern between his wants and needs. Thank You for giving Your wisdom from above to know that he needs good solid, uninterrupted sleep in order to grow and in order for his brain to develop. Thank You that I do know that his tummy is full (need) and his diaper is clean (need) and that he needs to exercise his lungs to get good oxygen and his body needs aerobic exercise in order to wind down. Lord, I pray for ________ that he will learn to trust me to give him what he needs even when he wants something different. That by learning to trust our love for him, he will grow to trust Your love. Lord, You know and understand how hard this is for me. I find myself wanting to give him what he cries for even when I know it is not best for him. I need You to give me Your strength. Please cause me to be able to walk away and entrust him to You in these moments, remembering that You are his Shepherd who comforts him and keeps Him safe. I pray Psalm 4:8 for this precious one, that “in peace he will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O LORD, make him dwell in safety.” Here is Erin's blog about how she uses 20 minutes of grace. Please read: http://incaseyouarecurious.blogspot.ca/2012/12/20-minutes-of-grace.html http://www.hespeaksinthesilence.com/2011/03/sleep/ |